Normally…

I avoid posting two blog posts in rapid succession, today, however, I have the time and inclination (as when one crosses Westminster Tower with the Tower of Pisa!) and wish to update on the personal situation as well as give a tourist’s review of Québec City!

During last week, I ran the full gamut of emotions on receiving a thick envelope from my college. Waiting for my bus to evening classes, I tore open the package in the bus shelter, both apprehensive and excited, to discover that my dream is at last coming to pass, and the last year of agonising, studying, waiting and doubting, is at last over. The envelope contained a precious document, my acceptance into college for the full time, three year nursing programme, at the end of which I can begin university  in the same discipline. From the moment I received this confirmation, many parts of the jigsaw puzzle of the future fell into place. I now know that I can succeed, I have to pass my chemistry exams (my current evening class) and also to have a whole raft of vaccines (the UK does not provide, or did not provide when I was a child, a vaccination booklet) before I can begin clinical studies, but it is very exciting to be able to really and truly plan for  a future career. Before receiving the letter, the suspense and uncertainty had almost destroyed my already low reserves of self-confidence, I was in fact even beginning to doubt the validity of my current chemistry course, but this has returned with a flood.

Also omnipresent at this time is the search for work. This has become especially urgent with the end of all financial aid from the government. It is hard to believe how difficult it is for someone to obtain a job, even in my current circumstances. It is impossible to gauge in advance, just what kind of a CV a company is searching for. Including too much irrelevant information is not likely to win favour in a low-skill employ, nor is a CV with apparent gaps in it. Worse still, as so much of my experience is “home grown” or non-professional, and most of the companies for whom I worked are within the isolation of the Exclusive Brethren’s “system” it is very hard to prove that I have in fact worked during the past fourteen years! I am almost tempted to take along photographs of all my previous employments to my prospective jobs, but this would do little more than present a diversion for the interviewers, as did my CV at the last interview with a local company just across the road. I accept that a  prospective employer has to appear neutral or even negative, but to say that my CV is “intriguing” leaves me with no feedback whatsoever.

One thing which is clear, when posting for a job, one cannot afford to rely on “hope” that the employer will call back. One has to become a virtual nuisance, politely bombarding the company with calls and messages, to keep the file warm. An area in which I also need to work more, is in “spontaneous jobs”. These are considered unreliable, but the hidden job market apparently accounts for over 80% of the jobs “available”. This includes jobs where friends and family members are commended for a post, or where one simply walks into the store, requests an interview, and presents the CV  immediately. The fear of rejection is a huge barrier in this case, and it is very tough not to go away with a mild sense of exclusion, almost of rejection, when the potential employer says “no”. It also requires being in top form nervously, not something I can clearly say applies to me. I have received some excellent career advice, I have people close to me who are willing me with all their might to find a job, and in fact who depend on me to do so… but that in itself is not enough. It is one more stage in my life, just as with the education, where that which I receive is directly proportional to the effort I exert to succeed. I would love to have my own  business, to make money with paintings, with photography, with a whole host of other things which I am good or accomplished at, but, at the expense of being cynical, none of the above are a stable, even if small source of income, the most desirable form right now. Of course, I do not want to choose a double career- I cannot become a builder or carpenter, and expect to work just when I am available, during my full time studies. I cannot truly commit to a call centre, with the inevitable evenings, which would conflict with my current courses. Probably I should be best, simply flipping burgers or cleaning rooms, because this is a mentally undemanding job that would provide a steady and sufficient income to supplement our current funds- and to buy all the expensive materiel I shall need for my classes.

In all this, all my reserves of patience and foresight will be needed, with one aim in mind: