Spring is supposed to inspire a feeling of rebirth; I would have to agree with the great poets, as spring has coincided for me with the opening of new worlds and opportunities. Outwardly, the spring in Canada has been little different from that which I experienced in England, shortly before leaving the country of my birth. The picture above was taken during the penultimate walk with my "actives" walking group, a collection of people with whom I would spend every winter and spring Sunday, discovering the joys of being in the open air, appreciating the countryside and history of our region, and getting to know some great people. I feel nostalgic for these times, when I could temporarily forget the stress of trying to sell my house, plan emigration, and generally spend some time out of doors.
I feel nostalgic too, for the sight of spring lambs which are, for me, the greatest manifestation that a long winter is finally over. This wistfulness is not enough to be termed "regret", as it would be completely untruthful to pretend that I regret my move to Canada. With the move came opportunity, fulfilment of a dream, and the pleasure of meeting yet more people with a different outlook on life; rather, the nostalgia is a type of bittersweet pride, a desire to share the country of my birth with others now that I appreciate it more for being an expatriot.
I recently completed a self-set exercise in which I made up a "balance sheet" with four headings, namely:
The things I miss most about England
The things I was glad to leave behind
What I love about Canada, one year on
Which things I dislike about living here.
It could not be said that the balance was heavier in any one heading. Going through my brainstorm list, I was surprised how many things I could miss from England, many of them interrelated. I was also surprised that I could not find a larger list of things to like about Canada, until I reasoned that I have not as yet tried many things here! True, I accomplished more in the last year than I ever expected to, adding up to an intensive experience... a great road trip to an entirely different part of this vast country:
plus finding and working at two jobs, spending a lot of time getting to know the way of life here, working out how to do all the things which I had been denied in previous life, but some of which I was glad to be shielded from. I have a large bucket list, yet some of the things need a great deal more money than we have to dispose of at this juncture! We are still establishing our own place, not having many basics such as a microwave or dish washer, not to mention an air conditioning unit which will shortly be needed! The lists of key words which I came up with are very thought provoking, and I felt helped to define who I was, how I related to life both here and in England, and helped to give me a close look at what changes I should be making.
Life is a constant process of evaluation and re-evaluation. I never again want to become stuck in the rut that is believing "I can't change things so they will have to stay as they are until they change of their own accord". Some people are mortally afraid of change, and stay unhappy until they either learn to accept change with open hands, or shelter in some absurdly restrictive bubble, cut off from the outside world, from all that could help them to be a more complete person. It is this bubble protection which I believe is so hard for ex members of closed religious groups to burst, mostly through fear of change. They believe that they are changing or attempting to change the infalliable "word of God" from whichever dogmatic text they are taught, and that to question, alter or adjust this word is the greatest heresy... how hypocritical then, that these very religious organisations have to change perhaps not the "word" itself, but their official interpretation of it to survive in the current world! This very fact makes me believe that religion is like a very weak but addictive drug. As with an alcohol addiction, ringing the changes and drinking for example, whisky instead of beer, making the addict feel for a moment that he is not drinking the "same thing"- so is religion, in my opinion. Many churches believe that they are the only true church, many cult leaders believe that their personal vision is the only one which will bring salvation to the world... but taken abstractly, all the views add up to the same thing: a need to belong, to be a part of something.
Perhaps I am one of a breed of lone wolves, but how can this be true? I love people. I love helping people, getting to know people, understanding their thoughts, their dreams, their experiences and their problems. I could understand, if I was a true misanthrope, why I could leave a religious group without a qualm and very quickly adjust to the outside world, by simply distrusting everyone. Instead, I find that the more I discover about people, the more I want to learn. I am so relieved that my experiences do not appear to make me feel cynical about life. Yes, I like to complain, to the point where my wife draws indubitable parallels between myself and Victor Meldrew; yes, I like to occasionally "bash" something or other, such as the public transport system, youth's inability to stand in orderly queues, the wastage of food in this country; yes, I do like to admit there is a dark side to life, some of which is best not investigated; but by and large I am a happy person who likes to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. This came out in the balance sheet exercise: although I had more negative dislikes, the things I liked were weighted with far more significance than the things which I could do without. It was great fun to do the exercise, as it offered me a good comparison of life in the two countries, and also helped me to evaluate my own situation at this point.
1)What do I miss about England/Britain/Europe?
Cathedrals and churches * Cider * Scenic train trips Lightweight sports cars * affordable cheddar cheese * Country roads with hedgerows and dry stone walls * Sweets * the local pub * debit cards accepted everywhere * local Post Office * badgers * the Geordie accent * affordable real ale * Morrisons * Irish jokes, and people who understand them * Devonshire cream * Attractive postage stamps * Branston pickle * Hedgehogs * lamb curry * Cockneys * 240 Volt power tools * Lambs in the spring fields * Derby Sage cheese at Christmas * Sunday walking group * Bovril sold in a jar as a spread * Wilkinsons * Burghley house * Zoos * Stiles and cattle grids * Roman roads * Monster Munch * Heritage steam railways * Car boot sales * Second hand book stores * Chocolate without vanilla * free personal banking * Affordable cell phones and contracts * Cycle paths and traffic management
2)What do I NOT miss from the old country?
Racial segregation * London taxis * Greasy spoon/rat burger layby cafes * Terrible quality chicken * Fruit from the other side of the world * Caravans * Poor healthcare * High fuel prices * the M25 * over priced takeaways * employment agencies * council tax * frequent rain * dirty streets in the cities * high priced new technology * being on an island * crowded cities * senior schools * Gatso speed cameras * demise of photographic film * Boy racers * filthy trains * expensive booze * corrupt local governments * ancient public toilets * insularity of the people * late release of music and films * football hooligans * public drinking * roundabouts
3) What do I love about Montreal/ Canada?
Chez Cora breakfast restaurants- sans pareil! * Clear divisions between the seasons... winter IS winter! * Clean streets * Powerful sunshine * Cultural integration, not appeasement * Snow * Tim Hortons coffee houses * grain fed pork and chicken * Friendly population * Affordable and reliable public transport * excellent education and opportunity * Huge domestic appliances * Camping in serene and wild places * Raccoons * The tip culture * Choice of TV channels * Snails * cheap vehicles * positive outlook on life * choice of recreation activities * The Underground City, (shopping, eating... and just keeping warm!) * The metro system * Amazing national parks * responsible pet owners * Government that cares for citizens and new arrivals * the European accent on life style * chipmunks * Film still available for cameras * Cheap electronic consumer goods * excellent service in stores * Rona DIY centres * self effacing but proud people * financial stability and employment * absence of personal surveillance and respect of privacy * cities laid out in planned blocks * big, wide roads * courtesy and priority for pedestrians
4)What do I dislike about life here?
Huge, uneconomical vehicles * proximity to the USA * occasional reluctance to break down the language barrier * Huge distances between places * too much processed food products * Automatic cars * bureaucracy and complex paperwork * Debit card technology behind- cards not accepted in many places, even online * High salt and fat in the traditional diet * snow ploughing and blowing at 3am in winter * Banking charges * lack of cycle paths and facilities... rapidly improving * Pet stores selling puppy/kitten mill-raised animals * hideous tastes in music * availability of quality stationery and art materials * being told I have a cute “accent” * cost of cellphones and poor coverage * destruction of nature * casual attitude to food wastage * uninspiring architecture * being told I sound Australian * people who don't know what England is (football team, province, island in the Caribbean...?) * Obsession with hockey * high priced wine * laid back attitude to time keeping * Poor choice of clothing * distance from the beach * absence of motor sports * arrogant cops * antiquated deposit scheme for cans and bottles * casual attitude to drink driving and speeding * stop lines and strange priority rules on the road
I hope these words and comments will provoke comments from my readers! Life is full of variety, and yet there are not enough hours for all that there is to discover... nor are there enough hours in each day to discuss all those discoveries!
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